Adventures with Dr. Lady Cutie Troublemaker

Life is in flux BIG TIME these days. I want to keep in touch with all of my peeps. The Internet is this beautiful thing. I can move to a brand new city and still stay in easy, near-daily contact with the people I love. When I feel connected to the people in my life that matter, I am unstoppable!

Scholarship is the Enemy of Romance

By Abby at 12:55 am on Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Earlier, I was thinking about my single status and the endless hoop jumping of the last 5 years and how those two things are related. Later, I was listening to Billy Bragg, and this song came on. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

Scholarship Is The Enemy of Romance
From Reaching to the Converted

Scholarship is the enemy of romance
Where does that leave me? Alone in the rain again
What happened to the weekend I planned with you?
We didn’t even get upstairs this time

I never missed that end-of-term kiss
But where did it go, miss? I don’t know, miss

Take me to the fair and hold me close as we fly through the air
Then suddenly on Sunday, it all just melted away
And when it had gone, between patches of yellowing grass
I found a coin and lost what I was looking for

I never took the advice in that book
Oh you should look, sir, you might learn, sir,
You might learn, sir

Filed under: Music,Ramblings/Brain Dumps/Opinions1 Comment »

Continued Vacation From Blogging

By Abby at 3:46 pm on Wednesday, January 9, 2008

What’s funny is that my periodic blog posts about how I’m not blogging add up to probably more posts than many people who consider themselves regular bloggers, but I accepted long ago that I just produce more verbal/written output than the average duck. I’m just built that way, and that’s why blogging is good for me. It provides a nice outlet for all the talk in my head.

On a walk two days ago, I was thinking about my reasons for not blogging right now. I came up with this: Right now, I am not content, I am not in love, and I am not employed. I don’t feel comfortable sharing about my job hunt, because reporting about the steps I’m taking to get a job is boring, and honestly, it takes up time that I’d rather spend actually taking more steps to get a job. I don’t want to write about the fun things I do, since I feel like (maybe justifiablely so, maybe not) people are thinking, “How can you see bands when you have no job? How can you take pictures when you have no job? How can you cook when you have no job? How can you justify doing anything when you should get getting a job?”

I don’t feel compelled to answer those questions (real or imaginary), and I find that when I start to blog, I immediately feel that I need to defend myself. There is a lot of shame in not working. It takes a lot of mental energy to keep motivated, to continue to allow myself to live a regular life and not get too sad. Blogging – like photography – is something I do simply because I love it. I have never even once tried to blog regularly. It just happens. I have things to say. If I’m not experiencing joy with it, then I won’t do it. I feel confident that when I get a job, when I meet someone great, when I start to feel more content, the words will once again begin to flow. For now, I’m letting myself focus on photography as my primary means of expression. You can always follow that stream of images. I’d love you to. And I love comments, if you’re feeling up to it. If not, that’s cool, too.

I have recently joined a group on Flickr called 365ish. Each day, I post a photograph that reflects my mood. You can tell pictures that I’d posted for that because they will have a number in the description: 1/365, 2/365, etc. Here’s my first entry:

Hatching Plots
Hatching Plots

Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.

1/365ish: Motivated

I have that early-January determined feeling. Last year things I spent a lot of the time feeling very stuck. In this picture, I’m wearing new Christmas jammies, eating some healthy food, and plotting ways to reduce some of the clutter that I feel like is wearing me down on a daily basis. Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.

Twitter is also a good outlet for me. I can get out the expression (a crucial thing for me) 140 characters at a time.

I hope that if you are reading this, that you’re doing well, and if you’re in the Triangle, and you hear about any places hiring child psychologists, please let me know!


Now listening to an old favorite that you’ve probably never heard (unless you’re Xopher):

“Storyteller” by Miracle Legion

Filed under: Blog Announcements,Pictures,Professional Life,Ramblings/Brain Dumps/Opinions4 Comments »

Christmas Cards Don’t Matter

By Abby at 2:33 pm on Monday, December 17, 2007

Sometimes at Christmas, I am very inspired because it’s been a good year with lots of news to report. Perhaps, I’ve been so busy that I’ve been out of touch with those I care about. On those years, I get excited about making or buying Christmas cards to share with everyone. I make a list, I get addresses, I start the process. It’s a really fun time.

On other Christmases (like this one), I am at the end of a year where I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to, and I’m sort of looking forward to the holidays speeding right past me. I mean, I’m open to the moments of cheer and contact with old friends and the like, but I’m not as much in the moment of the holiday. I think that in years like this one, it’s OK that I don’t feel inspired to write out cards and send them. It means that on the years that I do write them, they will be straight from the heart. I’ve heard a few friends talk about how they want to/HAVE to get their cards out. Well, I say just skip it. I know you love me. I know you care about your friends. Will they really doubt that fact without the card for the fridge? And if they do, are they really the best friends to have? Just a thought.

To anyone reading this who knows me, I do hope you understand that I will not be finding the time to spin my past year into a little Christmas letter for you. I still like you. I still care about you. And there’s a good chance that next year, I’m going to send out a kickass Christmas letter and card. Just you wait!

Filed under: Ramblings/Brain Dumps/Opinions6 Comments »

There But For

By Abby at 1:29 pm on Tuesday, December 11, 2007

A friend of mine was going to be in Raleigh this week. I was looking forward to it. Last week, he was talking about how his family may need to have an intervention for his father. I participated in one once for a close family member 14 1/2 years ago, and it changed the course of my life and the life of the person for whom we had it. Sadly, today, my friend found out that his father was found dead in his apartment, so I won’t have a visitor this week. Instead, my friend will be at his own father’s funeral. I also had an ex-boyfriend who lost someone very close to him to alcoholism. I’m very, very grateful that I didn’t experience the same fate. And I’m grateful that there are so many strong people in this world who love their “drunks”, and do what has to be done so that when they are ready, they get the help they need. I believe in the disease model of alcoholism. I am grateful I did not inherit it. I will continue to love those around me who fight with it. Luckily, right now, noone I know is in that kind of dire situation (like my friend’s father clearly was). But man, what a reality smack-in-the-head.

Filed under: Ramblings/Brain Dumps/Opinions8 Comments »

Me, Now

By Abby at 7:07 pm on Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Since receiving my national exam results, I’ve been plotting the best next steps. I have been working on a generic letter to send out with cover letters to agencies serving children in the area. After discussing things with my parents and my friend Kathryn, I have decided to wait until my state exam results arrive to send these letters off. The statemement “I am fully licensed” carries much more weight than “I expect to be fully licensed soon”. The wait should not be more than another few weeks at the most. I had already called one place before making this decision, and they have requested a CV, which I have sent over to them.

At this point, I am not being picky. As long as there is a job that is at least part time and is anywhere in the Triangle, I am willing to apply for it. The one thing I HAVE decided is that I am no longer (at least for now) going to send my CV off to group practices that do not have specific job openings. While an agency – like a school or a United Way non-profit – without a specific listing is OK, I have learned the hard way that in group practices, they are very tempted by someone with my experience, but that adding another partner to a practice that they hadn’t planned on adding is very unlikely. It is so diheartening to interview repeatedly with a place, only to find that they can not actually hire anyone at all. They just really, really liked the idea of hiring someone like me. it’s flattering, but it builds my hopes up a lot for a job that doesn’t really exist.

One thing I’ve learned is that my daily energy is so much more important when unemployed than when employed. If I’m feeling sluggish on a given day when I’m employed, I am carried through by the tasks awaiting me. As an unemployed person who must wake up each day and orchstrate my activities in a vacuum (so to speak), a headache or bad allergies can really do me in. When I was working, I’d have a client who was meeting me at the office at 9am for an assessment or something. And so I’d have to be there, and I’d have someone counting on me. Today, I didn’t feel well, and after half a day of trying desperately to get up enough energy to think about making a plan… I decided to accept defeat, take a few ibuprofen, and rest.

In a few days, I’m heading to Hotlanta, where I grew up, for my 20th high school reunion. Back in the day, I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” Right now, I’m not feeling all that successful. I’ve had this script in my head for it for a while, as my friends will tell you. Here it is: “Yes, I may be divorced, childless, unemployed, and living off my parents at age 37, but on the flipside, I have a Ph.D., and I didn’t get fat.” Yeah, I know. Tacky, tacky, tacky, and pretty much the worst way possible to present myself, but it sort of makes me laugh. And I’ve never been a fan of sugar-coating.

I know that I’m in a transitional period right now. I know it will pass. I know that I have done the best I can in the face of an unexpected divorce at age 32. I understand why the professional transition from Boston to Raleigh has been so difficult and drawn out. I’ll get there. I’ve somehow emerged from everything with good self-esteem, good friends, and virtually no regrets, resentments, or grudges. I’d say that’s a success. Sure, I’d really like to meet someone nice and still have the opportunity to have a raise a child, but I won’t compromise my standards to make that happen. I won’t settle for less than what I deserve. I still have this crazy idea that it will all work out. I hope I’m right.

Hey, at least I have a cute outfit to wear. After much searching, I found a nice dress while out and about with Katy a few weeks ago.

Other important things going on in my life right now:

  • My parents left for Africa today. They are going to be “off the grid,” which will be weird. I don’t see them (with my eyes) all that much, but I am usually very in touch with them. Hope they have a grand adventure.
  • I’m thinking a lot about my friend Poornima. She has just flown home to India to be with her father, who has been taken ill.
Filed under: Family,Friends,Georgia,Professional Life,Ramblings/Brain Dumps/Opinions,Stories From My Life3 Comments »
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