Adventures with Dr. Lady Cutie Troublemaker

What’s funny is that my periodic blog posts about how I’m not blogging add up to probably more posts than many people who consider themselves regular bloggers, but I accepted long ago that I just produce more verbal/written output than the average duck. I’m just built that way, and that’s why blogging is good for me. It provides a nice outlet for all the talk in my head.

On a walk two days ago, I was thinking about my reasons for not blogging right now. I came up with this: Right now, I am not content, I am not in love, and I am not employed. I don’t feel comfortable sharing about my job hunt, because reporting about the steps I’m taking to get a job is boring, and honestly, it takes up time that I’d rather spend actually taking more steps to get a job. I don’t want to write about the fun things I do, since I feel like (maybe justifiablely so, maybe not) people are thinking, “How can you see bands when you have no job? How can you take pictures when you have no job? How can you cook when you have no job? How can you justify doing anything when you should get getting a job?”

I don’t feel compelled to answer those questions (real or imaginary), and I find that when I start to blog, I immediately feel that I need to defend myself. There is a lot of shame in not working. It takes a lot of mental energy to keep motivated, to continue to allow myself to live a regular life and not get too sad. Blogging – like photography – is something I do simply because I love it. I have never even once tried to blog regularly. It just happens. I have things to say. If I’m not experiencing joy with it, then I won’t do it. I feel confident that when I get a job, when I meet someone great, when I start to feel more content, the words will once again begin to flow. For now, I’m letting myself focus on photography as my primary means of expression. You can always follow that stream of images. I’d love you to. And I love comments, if you’re feeling up to it. If not, that’s cool, too.

I have recently joined a group on Flickr called 365ish. Each day, I post a photograph that reflects my mood. You can tell pictures that I’d posted for that because they will have a number in the description: 1/365, 2/365, etc. Here’s my first entry:

Hatching Plots

Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.

1/365ish: Motivated

I have that early-January determined feeling. Last year things I spent a lot of the time feeling very stuck. In this picture, I’m wearing new Christmas jammies, eating some healthy food, and plotting ways to reduce some of the clutter that I feel like is wearing me down on a daily basis. Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.

Twitter is also a good outlet for me. I can get out the expression (a crucial thing for me) 140 characters at a time.

I hope that if you are reading this, that you’re doing well, and if you’re in the Triangle, and you hear about any places hiring child psychologists, please let me know!

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Now listening to an old favorite that you’ve probably never heard (unless you’re Xopher):

“Storyteller” by Miracle Legion