Adventures with Dr. Lady Cutie Troublemaker

Since receiving my national exam results, I’ve been plotting the best next steps. I have been working on a generic letter to send out with cover letters to agencies serving children in the area. After discussing things with my parents and my friend Kathryn, I have decided to wait until my state exam results arrive to send these letters off. The statemement “I am fully licensed” carries much more weight than “I expect to be fully licensed soon”. The wait should not be more than another few weeks at the most. I had already called one place before making this decision, and they have requested a CV, which I have sent over to them.

At this point, I am not being picky. As long as there is a job that is at least part time and is anywhere in the Triangle, I am willing to apply for it. The one thing I HAVE decided is that I am no longer (at least for now) going to send my CV off to group practices that do not have specific job openings. While an agency – like a school or a United Way non-profit – without a specific listing is OK, I have learned the hard way that in group practices, they are very tempted by someone with my experience, but that adding another partner to a practice that they hadn’t planned on adding is very unlikely. It is so diheartening to interview repeatedly with a place, only to find that they can not actually hire anyone at all. They just really, really liked the idea of hiring someone like me. it’s flattering, but it builds my hopes up a lot for a job that doesn’t really exist.

One thing I’ve learned is that my daily energy is so much more important when unemployed than when employed. If I’m feeling sluggish on a given day when I’m employed, I am carried through by the tasks awaiting me. As an unemployed person who must wake up each day and orchstrate my activities in a vacuum (so to speak), a headache or bad allergies can really do me in. When I was working, I’d have a client who was meeting me at the office at 9am for an assessment or something. And so I’d have to be there, and I’d have someone counting on me. Today, I didn’t feel well, and after half a day of trying desperately to get up enough energy to think about making a plan… I decided to accept defeat, take a few ibuprofen, and rest.

In a few days, I’m heading to Hotlanta, where I grew up, for my 20th high school reunion. Back in the day, I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” Right now, I’m not feeling all that successful. I’ve had this script in my head for it for a while, as my friends will tell you. Here it is: “Yes, I may be divorced, childless, unemployed, and living off my parents at age 37, but on the flipside, I have a Ph.D., and I didn’t get fat.” Yeah, I know. Tacky, tacky, tacky, and pretty much the worst way possible to present myself, but it sort of makes me laugh. And I’ve never been a fan of sugar-coating.

I know that I’m in a transitional period right now. I know it will pass. I know that I have done the best I can in the face of an unexpected divorce at age 32. I understand why the professional transition from Boston to Raleigh has been so difficult and drawn out. I’ll get there. I’ve somehow emerged from everything with good self-esteem, good friends, and virtually no regrets, resentments, or grudges. I’d say that’s a success. Sure, I’d really like to meet someone nice and still have the opportunity to have a raise a child, but I won’t compromise my standards to make that happen. I won’t settle for less than what I deserve. I still have this crazy idea that it will all work out. I hope I’m right.

Hey, at least I have a cute outfit to wear. After much searching, I found a nice dress while out and about with Katy a few weeks ago.

Other important things going on in my life right now:

• My parents left for Africa today. They are going to be “off the grid,” which will be weird. I don’t see them (with my eyes) all that much, but I am usually very in touch with them. Hope they have a grand adventure.
• I’m thinking a lot about my friend Poornima. She has just flown home to India to be with her father, who has been taken ill.