I spent all this time over the past week moving into another office, and now they’ve just had a staff meeting and reshifted everyone. This means I lose my new office. Wish they’d told me that before I settled in here. I’m really starting to like it. OK. Back to the shared closet. Le sigh. 🙁
I will not win this game today. I worked from 9 to 7:30 with a 45-minute break in the middle for a little lunch with Aaron. My new rotation is a little overwhelming, but they keep me very busy, which I like a lot. It’s so much easier to work hard when there’s lots to do and when I’m in one building all day. It’s so different from being in the schools. I meet for the very last time with my two main counseling cases in the high schools. I’ll miss ’em. It’s been a long road. I doubt there will be tearful goodbyes, but I leave hoping I’ve made some difference in their young lives.
After meeting with those two kids, I will come back home and start packing for my trip back to Bloomington, the closest place to home I have, really. It’s weird. Atlanta is really my home, but my parents aren’t there anymore, so it doesn’t really feel like home. Bloomington was a place where I lived the 7 years before coming here last August. I really did a lot of growing up there. It’s where my ex and I began our married lives. It’s where we adopted Jeep and Maggie. It’s where I discovered my profession. I was living there when my marriage ended, when I learned how to live alone, where I learned how to be a School Psychologist, and where I learned how to be a college teacher. Bloomington is where I learned Yoga and a million other hobbies. It’s where I really came into my own as a cook.
I’m so happy to go back, to see my friends that are still there. The defense is really the last thing on my mind, but it’s also the first. It’s a source of anxiety, but I’m not doing much about it. There just isn’t that much to do. On Wednesday, I’ll sit my ass down to read through all 139 pages and to try and remember what it was I was trying to find out. I’ll go into a room with four white learned men and tell them all about my study and what worked and what didn’t, and I’ll hope the conversation goes off on to some lovely tangent, like my chair’s new twins that will by then be 6 days old… but alas, I’m sure that will not be what happens. It’ll be all business, and hopefully, Wednesday will be enough time to remember what I was up to for all that time!
Clarksdale was a nice break. I wish there was time for recovery afterwards. I have elected to not go through graduation ceremonies. Honestly, it isn’t all that important to me. I may walk in December, but I may not. I may just throw myself one hell of a party after internship ends. I don’t even know where I’d have it. Last year, so many of my friends graduated. There were little envelopes handed around. There were relatives everywhere. Grads posed for pictures. I don’t know. It all seemed a little silly. It didn’t feel like it related to the preparation involved. OK, so I work my ass off for 7 years, live in virtual poverty, racking up $100K+ in loans, so that I can satisfy my goal of having a satisfying and meaningful career. In return, I get to wear a little outfit and eat crudites with old relatives? Hmm… I’ll pass. I’ll just take the meaningful career! Oh, and maybe one of those little envelopes.
I haven’t completely ruled out a December graduation, but honestly, it seems like a lot of expense channeled in the wrong direction.
Despite my impending defense, the internship show marches on. Today, I began my third rotation. I am working in a place that focuses on serving families and individuals dealing with issues of domestic violence. I’m hitting the ground running with this one. Today, I was handed 5 new counseling cases, 2 assessment cases, plus people to supervise, and tons of new responsibilities. It was truly overwhelming, and I feel exhausted, yet I still have work to do tonight. The changeover is tricky because my schedule in the schools hasn’t really died down yet and won’t until school ends in a few weeks, I’m still carrying 3 clients from my last rotation, and I have all of these new clients. It’s more of the same juggling act. I’m getting better at it though. I think that once my defense is over, it will be a great place to work. Luckily, I won’t start running groups until after my defense. That was just luck, and I’m so happy about that. The best news of all is that I work about 2 minutes from where I live. After a year of driving constantly, it’s amazing to work 2 minutes away and to stay in the same building all day long. So refreshing!
I can’t leave the dark post from yesterday up as the first post people see. I’m not even depressed. I just was having kind of a crap day. Today is much better so far. I woke up at 11:20am, which completely ROOLZ! 😛 Then, I decided I was going to clean this place. I’ve been walking from room to room and setting a timer for 10 minutes. I’ve gotten through every room except my bedroom, and that isn’t too bad. I got a little sidetracked in the kitchen and really went to town on the place. It’s all sparkly (except for the floor and inside the microwave). I have a real day to myself, which is rare, so I’m trying to make the most of it. It’s sort of my last unplanned day before my defense, which is in 11 days and 20 hours (if you’re asking… I have a little countdown running on my statusbar.)
Next up is some dissertation stuff, but it’s just mindless stuff like getting the pagination right. I may even skip it, since I haven’t gotten final comments from my chair. Luckily, he says that so far, they are really minor, so that’s good.
I sometimes think that my honesty gets me in trouble. I’m usually fairly upbeat, but when I’m not, I talk about it, and I think that makes my low moods seem bigger than they are. Lots of people don’t talk about their bad moods. Me? I’m like a gumball machine. If I’m having thoughts or feelings or opinions, then I am talking about them. It’s a curse, but in many ways, it’s served me well… you know… if people can deal with my incessant blah, blah, blah-ing!
Here’s a recent happy picture to put you all at ease:
OK, more stuff to do, more stuff to do.
