No kidding. And if you’ve been following closely, this is NOT the job I’ve been trying really hard to get. This is a different one that seems good! If the other place wants me to, I’m going to have a REALLY difficult decision in front of me.
If you want a laugh, go to the Flickr page by clicking on the picture above and look at the tags I added. They are over on the right.
Things have been much more active on the job front. Having a license has me in the door in many more ways. I’ve been very busy with meetings, applications, and a conference. It gets tricky now talking about this on my blog, because I can’t say where I have interviews. I can’t say who I’m talking to, but I can say this. I have an interview lined up next week for a place that would be OK, but not a place I’m really excited about. There is another place I am MUCH more excited about, so I decided to stop by there today. I happened in at a time when I was able to meet their top dog. This person was a delight, and the conversation we had made me feel so very excited about the possibility of getting this position, I can’t even tell you. Fingers very crossed. The process might be a little slower than I’d like, but I can definitely see this one working out. That would be great. Not only is it a better match for me in terms of interests, it’s also much closer and would start in the near (not remote) future. It’s probably not the highest paying job among the options, but if it’s really fulfilling, then that’s a very good thing to me. My priorities have never leaned as much towards money as towards fulfillment. Several of the possibilities I have right now are in other towns or don’t start for a while, OR they are practices where I’d be under a lot of pressure to build up a practice quickly without a steady stream of referrals. Anyway, send good vibes my way. This could be a great opportunity for me – a place I might want to stay for a long while.
What’s funny is that my periodic blog posts about how I’m not blogging add up to probably more posts than many people who consider themselves regular bloggers, but I accepted long ago that I just produce more verbal/written output than the average duck. I’m just built that way, and that’s why blogging is good for me. It provides a nice outlet for all the talk in my head.
On a walk two days ago, I was thinking about my reasons for not blogging right now. I came up with this: Right now, I am not content, I am not in love, and I am not employed. I don’t feel comfortable sharing about my job hunt, because reporting about the steps I’m taking to get a job is boring, and honestly, it takes up time that I’d rather spend actually taking more steps to get a job. I don’t want to write about the fun things I do, since I feel like (maybe justifiablely so, maybe not) people are thinking, “How can you see bands when you have no job? How can you take pictures when you have no job? How can you cook when you have no job? How can you justify doing anything when you should get getting a job?”
I don’t feel compelled to answer those questions (real or imaginary), and I find that when I start to blog, I immediately feel that I need to defend myself. There is a lot of shame in not working. It takes a lot of mental energy to keep motivated, to continue to allow myself to live a regular life and not get too sad. Blogging – like photography – is something I do simply because I love it. I have never even once tried to blog regularly. It just happens. I have things to say. If I’m not experiencing joy with it, then I won’t do it. I feel confident that when I get a job, when I meet someone great, when I start to feel more content, the words will once again begin to flow. For now, I’m letting myself focus on photography as my primary means of expression. You can always follow that stream of images. I’d love you to. And I love comments, if you’re feeling up to it. If not, that’s cool, too.
I have recently joined a group on Flickr called 365ish. Each day, I post a photograph that reflects my mood. You can tell pictures that I’d posted for that because they will have a number in the description: 1/365, 2/365, etc. Here’s my first entry:
Hatching Plots
Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.
1/365ish: Motivated
I have that early-January determined feeling. Last year things I spent a lot of the time feeling very stuck. In this picture, I’m wearing new Christmas jammies, eating some healthy food, and plotting ways to reduce some of the clutter that I feel like is wearing me down on a daily basis. Actually, I’m looking at the crazy table of crap and trying to decide where to put it all. Truth is, I live in a really small apartment and need more space, but I’m convinced that I can get it to work.
Twitter is also a good outlet for me. I can get out the expression (a crucial thing for me) 140 characters at a time.
I hope that if you are reading this, that you’re doing well, and if you’re in the Triangle, and you hear about any places hiring child psychologists, please let me know!
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Now listening to an old favorite that you’ve probably never heard (unless you’re Xopher):
“Storyteller” by Miracle Legion
Since receiving my national exam results, I’ve been plotting the best next steps. I have been working on a generic letter to send out with cover letters to agencies serving children in the area. After discussing things with my parents and my friend Kathryn, I have decided to wait until my state exam results arrive to send these letters off. The statemement “I am fully licensed” carries much more weight than “I expect to be fully licensed soon”. The wait should not be more than another few weeks at the most. I had already called one place before making this decision, and they have requested a CV, which I have sent over to them.
At this point, I am not being picky. As long as there is a job that is at least part time and is anywhere in the Triangle, I am willing to apply for it. The one thing I HAVE decided is that I am no longer (at least for now) going to send my CV off to group practices that do not have specific job openings. While an agency – like a school or a United Way non-profit – without a specific listing is OK, I have learned the hard way that in group practices, they are very tempted by someone with my experience, but that adding another partner to a practice that they hadn’t planned on adding is very unlikely. It is so diheartening to interview repeatedly with a place, only to find that they can not actually hire anyone at all. They just really, really liked the idea of hiring someone like me. it’s flattering, but it builds my hopes up a lot for a job that doesn’t really exist.
One thing I’ve learned is that my daily energy is so much more important when unemployed than when employed. If I’m feeling sluggish on a given day when I’m employed, I am carried through by the tasks awaiting me. As an unemployed person who must wake up each day and orchstrate my activities in a vacuum (so to speak), a headache or bad allergies can really do me in. When I was working, I’d have a client who was meeting me at the office at 9am for an assessment or something. And so I’d have to be there, and I’d have someone counting on me. Today, I didn’t feel well, and after half a day of trying desperately to get up enough energy to think about making a plan… I decided to accept defeat, take a few ibuprofen, and rest. 
In a few days, I’m heading to Hotlanta, where I grew up, for my 20th high school reunion. Back in the day, I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” Right now, I’m not feeling all that successful. I’ve had this script in my head for it for a while, as my friends will tell you. Here it is: “Yes, I may be divorced, childless, unemployed, and living off my parents at age 37, but on the flipside, I have a Ph.D., and I didn’t get fat.” Yeah, I know. Tacky, tacky, tacky, and pretty much the worst way possible to present myself, but it sort of makes me laugh. And I’ve never been a fan of sugar-coating.
I know that I’m in a transitional period right now. I know it will pass. I know that I have done the best I can in the face of an unexpected divorce at age 32. I understand why the professional transition from Boston to Raleigh has been so difficult and drawn out. I’ll get there. I’ve somehow emerged from everything with good self-esteem, good friends, and virtually no regrets, resentments, or grudges. I’d say that’s a success. Sure, I’d really like to meet someone nice and still have the opportunity to have a raise a child, but I won’t compromise my standards to make that happen. I won’t settle for less than what I deserve. I still have this crazy idea that it will all work out. I hope I’m right.
Hey, at least I have a cute outfit to wear. After much searching, I found a nice dress while out and about with Katy a few weeks ago.
Other important things going on in my life right now:
They apparently forgot to include the “you passed” enclosure in a letter they mailed out on September 21st!!! But it’s good news, people. I passed!
