Adventures with Dr. Lady Cutie Troublemaker

I will not win this game today. I worked from 9 to 7:30 with a 45-minute break in the middle for a little lunch with Aaron. My new rotation is a little overwhelming, but they keep me very busy, which I like a lot. It’s so much easier to work hard when there’s lots to do and when I’m in one building all day. It’s so different from being in the schools. I meet for the very last time with my two main counseling cases in the high schools. I’ll miss ’em. It’s been a long road. I doubt there will be tearful goodbyes, but I leave hoping I’ve made some difference in their young lives.

After meeting with those two kids, I will come back home and start packing for my trip back to Bloomington, the closest place to home I have, really. It’s weird. Atlanta is really my home, but my parents aren’t there anymore, so it doesn’t really feel like home. Bloomington was a place where I lived the 7 years before coming here last August. I really did a lot of growing up there. It’s where my ex and I began our married lives. It’s where we adopted Jeep and Maggie. It’s where I discovered my profession. I was living there when my marriage ended, when I learned how to live alone, where I learned how to be a School Psychologist, and where I learned how to be a college teacher. Bloomington is where I learned Yoga and a million other hobbies. It’s where I really came into my own as a cook.

I’m so happy to go back, to see my friends that are still there. The defense is really the last thing on my mind, but it’s also the first. It’s a source of anxiety, but I’m not doing much about it. There just isn’t that much to do. On Wednesday, I’ll sit my ass down to read through all 139 pages and to try and remember what it was I was trying to find out. I’ll go into a room with four white learned men and tell them all about my study and what worked and what didn’t, and I’ll hope the conversation goes off on to some lovely tangent, like my chair’s new twins that will by then be 6 days old… but alas, I’m sure that will not be what happens. It’ll be all business, and hopefully, Wednesday will be enough time to remember what I was up to for all that time!

Clarksdale was a nice break. I wish there was time for recovery afterwards. I have elected to not go through graduation ceremonies. Honestly, it isn’t all that important to me. I may walk in December, but I may not. I may just throw myself one hell of a party after internship ends. I don’t even know where I’d have it. Last year, so many of my friends graduated. There were little envelopes handed around. There were relatives everywhere. Grads posed for pictures. I don’t know. It all seemed a little silly. It didn’t feel like it related to the preparation involved. OK, so I work my ass off for 7 years, live in virtual poverty, racking up $100K+ in loans, so that I can satisfy my goal of having a satisfying and meaningful career. In return, I get to wear a little outfit and eat crudites with old relatives? Hmm… I’ll pass. I’ll just take the meaningful career! Oh, and maybe one of those little envelopes.

I haven’t completely ruled out a December graduation, but honestly, it seems like a lot of expense channeled in the wrong direction.

My eyes are killing me. My allergies have been sooooo bad lately. With me, it’s all about the itchy eyes and fuzzy head. I don’t usually get a stuffy nose, which is good, I guess. Still, the eye thing is so annoying. It’s nearly impossible not to rub them.

At the bookstore this weekend, I picked up a book about skincare and dermatology and looked up "dark undereye circles." I’ve assumed all year that they were related to lack of sleep, but hell, I haven’t been sleeping enough for a while now, and the circles just popped up last summer. Apparently, the main cause of dark undereye circles is allergies, which completely makes sense. The rubbing breaks blood vessels and basically, you end up giving yourself a slow black eye… at least that was Aaron’s take on it. I think he might be right. My eyes aren’t puffy, and there aren’t bags. Just dark ugliness. I hate it. I want them to go away, but I’m already taking Zyrtec. I don’t know what else to try. It’s pissing me off!

Itchy yet unattractive!

Despite my impending defense, the internship show marches on. Today, I began my third rotation. I am working in a place that focuses on serving families and individuals dealing with issues of domestic violence. I’m hitting the ground running with this one. Today, I was handed 5 new counseling cases, 2 assessment cases, plus people to supervise, and tons of new responsibilities. It was truly overwhelming, and I feel exhausted, yet I still have work to do tonight. The changeover is tricky because my schedule in the schools hasn’t really died down yet and won’t until school ends in a few weeks, I’m still carrying 3 clients from my last rotation, and I have all of these new clients. It’s more of the same juggling act. I’m getting better at it though. I think that once my defense is over, it will be a great place to work. Luckily, I won’t start running groups until after my defense. That was just luck, and I’m so happy about that. The best news of all is that I work about 2 minutes from where I live. After a year of driving constantly, it’s amazing to work 2 minutes away and to stay in the same building all day long. So refreshing!

In this space was a very long post about my melancholy mood, my headache and how I hit my head yesterday, the pinched nerve in my back, a story about a cutter I met yesterday at a high school, and how I’m amazed by the stories I hear in my work. The last part of my post was about PostSecret, the web site where I found these startling post cards:

But my browser crashed, and it all went out into the ether, never to be seen again.