You Can’t Do It All, No Matter What You Think
People fear their own brains. I see it all day, every day, now that I am in the line of work I’m in. There is this flawed notion that if only people tried harder, they could manage any task they are presented with. As someone who spends most of my day testing people’s abilities to use their brain on a variety of tasks, I can tell you that there is ENORMOUS variability from one brain to the next. The things that seem so easy to you – like cake – are very difficult for some people in your life. "Why can’t you just remember to X? How hard is it to just Y? Z just needs doing?" But for most people, there are one or two things that take considerably more effort than for other people. Trust me on this.
For me, navigation takes enormous effort. ENORMOUS! I may seem map obsessed, but that’s because there just aren’t maps inside my head. I can imagine a snapshop picture of a place I’ve been (Harvard Square, for example), and then I can see a picture of where that is on a map, but if I’m in Harvard Square, there is no relation between those two things. Which way do you turn to leave? Well… let’s see, I know that I pass that place where the Redline is, but I couldn’t tell you which of these roads I’m looking at takes you there, even though I know in my mind it’s only a block away. The connections aren’t there, and I can try, try, TRY so hard, and it will never be easy. I need crutches, props, notes, maps, and a team of support to get you out of Harvard Square… So if you ask, I will say, "Let me check Googlemaps," or I might stall while I scramble around in this imperfect section of my brain until I can find anything of use to you.
And you are the same. There are ways you can’t succeed easily. I’m sure of it. There are so many times you are covering for something that is supposed to be easy for someone as smart as you. You’re making excuses. You’re staying up too late to try and do something that "should" have taken no time at all. You’re walking up a steep hill, and instead of saying, "This is really, REALLY hard for me. I should be asking for help/getting someone else to do this/etc." But that’s not what you do. You say to yourself, "What the hell is wrong with you that you can’t do this simple thing? You must be a total moron. You’re supposed to be smart, and this should be so easy for you." But it’s not. Just face it. You’re not invinsible. Noone is. Give it up. And quit beating yourself up, because you know what? That just leads to anxiety, which is going to make it all worse, because you can’t accomplish anything when someone (you) is ragging on you all the time. That inner chatter isn’t helpful. Just tell the voices in your head to STFU and get help, enlist others, delegate, do less, do something else. Trust me on this one. Your life will be better.
Now I have to go. I have my own advice to take.
Comment by Abby's mom
June 4, 2006 @ 12:50 pm
Needless to say, I completely identify with this post. Reading a book and cooking anything within a reasonable amount of time are two of the things I can’t do like other people. When people ask me if I have read “___” I always say no and hope they don’t go on to ask about another book. I feel stupid when I have to admit it takes me weeks to months to read a book. Audio books are a great boon to my life. Likewise, I experience huge anxiety over trying to plan and cook for others. Mickey makes up for this deficit by doing much of the cooking.