Adventures with Dr. Lady Cutie Troublemaker

Abby
Originally uploaded by EngelFish.

On my goodness! Chris is such a talented portrait photographer. I’m going to definitely get him to give me a Photoshop lesson. Given the magic he can do with Photoshop, you’d guess his wife, Taryn, wasn’t as gorgeous as she looks in photographs, but WRONG! She really looks like that in real life (and she’s a peach to boot!). So glad I met them. And I’m definitely going to spend a lot of time hanging out in front of Chris’s camera whenever I can!

Once a year, I talk about how much I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s never good. Last year, my boyfriend at the time was out of town for work on Valentine’s Day. I’d made reservations far in advance at this really nice Mediterranean restaurant. Since he had the trip, I rescheduled for later in the week… I barely spoke to him on the 14th because he was so busy working. On the 16th, I picked him up at the airport, and when we got home, he dumped me and moved across the country 5 days later. Fun times

This year, I’m single, which is maybe better than some other possibilities. I always feel bad for couples in new relationships around Valentine’s Day: “Do we celebrate? What about that L-word that’s floating around everywhere? Am I supposed to say it? Wait, I’m not ready. Shit, this is calling the entire relationship into question. Gah! Am I supposed to be buying a gift? And what cost is appropriate for someone I’ve only been dating a week, a month, two months. What is s/he expecting?” PRESSURE!

When I was in a happy long-term relationship with my ex-husband (yes, I was very happy… just because it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t happy), we both hated the sentiment of Valentine’s Day. It’s such a Hallmark holiday. It’s forced affection. Plus, the restaurants are so packed with newer couples who are either feigning love or newly crazy in love. Who wants to compete with that?! What I much preferred were the spontaneous displays of affection. “Hey sweetie, you forgot to set the VCR for your favorite show before you left for choir. I did it for you.” (These were the days before TiVo!). “Look, I saw this CD at the store, and I knew you would love it, so I bought it for you.” “You look like you’re really enjoying that book you’re looking at. It’s on me.” Or… “You seem stressed. Let me put on some Ella. Just sit down. I’ll make you something to eat.” That’s what it’s all about… at least to me. The other stuff is just pretend.

I was thinking recently about how on talk shows, people are always talking about how “the magic” went out of their relationship. What a load of crap! They’ve been watching too many romantic comedies. I watch them, too, but maybe because I’ve seen a 40+ year relationship in action, I know that the really good stuff comes from years and years of shared experiences. Periods of distance, sitting in the same room engaged in parallel play, with intermittent passion, silliness, sorrow, and all the rest of it. Magic comes and goes, but the bond of being with someone over years is indescribably enriching. Not sure whether I’ll have it again, but I did have 9 1/2 years of it. It wasn’t perfect. I did a lot of things wrong, and I can’t say I won’t do more wrong things in future relationships, but they will probably be different wrong things. A relationship of that length and the recovery when it’s over teaches one many lessons that I wouldn’t trade in for anything. Not that divorce was a cakewalk (far from it), but it made me who I am today, so I never wish that it never happened.

Looking at my calendar for Valentine’s Day, all I have planned is an informational meeting with a local psychologist. His practice isn’t hiring, but he was very helpful on the phone, and my last one of these informational meetings brought many good ideas and good leads. Hopefully, this one will be similar. The other event on my calendar is much more important: Smoooochie’s (Veronica’s) Birthday. Now that’s something to celebrate. She has been a patient and loyal friend for about four and a half years now. She is much more cause for celebration than Valentine’s. So MY VDay is all about the Veronica… oh, and maybe I’ll arrange the cat food into little heart shapes for the girls. I’m sure they will LOVE that… “Meow, meow, meow. Hurry the fuck up, Mom!”

Here’s a little Valentine’s video to lighten up your emotional angst at being single or coupled on this strange holiday:

I had the opportunity to see The Old Ceremony as part of the same benefit where the Mountain Goats played on Friday. It was such a delightful surprise. These guys are from Chapel Hill. What was funny is that I had asked Shannon why there were so many people wandering around with suits. When The Old Ceremony began, it was clear that all the besuited ones were actually in the band. I’m such a sucker for any band with a fiddle, any band with a cello, and any band with a Hammond organ. TOC had all three, as well as the usual singer/guitarist, bass player, and drummer. They also had a very energetic guy on keyboards, and the Hammond organ player also played vibraphones (although I always see them and think of them as a marimba – too much musical training). At first, I was just taking pictures (as I do), but their sound really drew me in. They had wonderful real songs. I always feel like a good sign of a band is that its songs are reminiscent of classic songs I’ve heard before, but they don’t have that derivative feel (like Lenny Kravitz sounding like Curtis Mayfield, etc). After the show, I told Django Haskins, the band’s lead singer, that I was really impressed with the set, and that he should take that as a huge compliment because I was a real opinionated bitch with a strong tendency to roll my eyes when I hear good music. I bought a CD that night, and I was especially drawn to two of the songs in particular. The lyrics are excellent, which wasn’t something I was able to judge when I saw them live.

The first song on the disc, Talk Straight, so clearly expresses something that is such a big theme in my life: the importance of honesty in relationships. I have a lot of friends with all kinds of personality flaws (lawd knows I have my fair share of them, too), but what they do share is integrity, genuineness, and honesty. They don’t fear telling me the truth, even when they know it might hurt me, and for that, I am grateful. The other song by The Old Ceremony that I’ve been listening to is Papers in Order, knowing the my papers are, in fact, not yet in order. But it is sort of something to aim for. I’ve added both of these songs to my new Radio Blog, which I’ve now moved over to the sidebar, along with the other song they did which really rocked my socks off. During that song at the gig, John and Peter of the Mountain Goats were visible in the door, dancing their butts off! When they went on later, John made a point to mention how amazing TOC were. Man, he wasn’t wrong. Really impressive. I can’t really afford to see them open for Squirrel Nut Zippers, but they are playing a smaller gig nearby very soon. I’ll be there. No doubt.

I’ve also added another selection of songs I’ve been listening to lately. I first heard Heartless Bastards at Alibi after choir one night. I could have sworn that it was a man singing. After I got the tracks, it was clearly a woman. I don’t know what I was thinking. The song Blue Day has become one of my favorite tracks to listen to when I’m on the elliptical machine at the gym.

I got a chance to see Telepath again last night, and they were, once again, really excellent. I’m working on editing the pix and video I took and it will be heading to my Flickr and YouTube pages soon. I’ve thrown two of my favorite Telepath tracks over into the Radio Blog, too. You also get a Kristin Hersh, a little Wolfmother, and a live version of Crazy by Gnarls Barkley that you’ve maybe not heard.

Enjoy, people. I’ll add more as I’m inspired to do so.