I found this in and amongst my study files, collected from all over the place over the last year. At least I’m not alone in this, although it usually feels like I am:
Oh EPPP agony, thou hast made muppets of more clever men than I.
Dangling the keys to salvation before our army of starving soldiers
Hungry to conquer the territory of a golden age, we reach ever so high
Awaiting the enveloped blessing from the standard score satchel tossed across your shoulders.
Oh EPPP, you’ve made a monkey out of me, chanting acronyms, rehearsing nonsense rhymes!
Will there ever come a day when I can finally say I have finished this uphill climb?
Oh when all is said and done, will I be the only one beneath the cutoff score?
Unemployed among the overjoyed, bitter and confused, battered and abused, but coming back for more?
Oh dear EPPP — Don’t wave your wrath upon us, Don’t increase your fees a-gain!
Don’t leave us pennyless to wash the feet of the Computer Stewardess in shame.
Let us walk proud, with a dollar in our shroud, and your tapes blaring in our ears
Cast off that evil grin, the multiple choiced sin, and let us contemplate our fears
The sorcerers of the soul are we, a legion of mindful men, we will not rest until we reach our fated 140 shore
Keep in mind theories of Vygotsky and Bersheid, never forget what the Globus Pallidus is for
When in doubt choose “C,” take the post-test times three, but if you fail don’t blame me
Because as you may tell, I too am among you in EPPP hell, clawing my own way out of this bloodied well
Join hands, good friends, and let us go forward until the end
Memorize the little lies until it flashes from your eyes — then behold the golden prize
Oh EPPP — you may torture my friends and me, but you shall not keep us captive indefinitely.
Each of us will succeed, faces brazed but glasses raised,
and in triumph raise the plaque of licensee!
Good Luck! Go Forth!
— Perry Staltaro [presumably one of me, although one who has already passed – on hopes!]
